After I ate the tiramisu, an immediate outburst of negative feelings and thoughts that I´ve struggled to keep inside me occurred . It was a monsterpile of stuck up feelings being released. Not so surprisingly it ended up in a crying-out-loud evening and a night spend staring at the ceiling. There was so much old stuff flowing out of me body that especially my legs were keeping me up all night.
Literally letting it all out.
Next morning I felt completely different. Though I was tired, the heavy weight had disappeared. My burden was lifted and I felt light again. I also understood something about what and why I had just been through.
I have always wondered how is it possible that some people seem to get so lost in their feelings that nothing seems to help them back up. Now I know. I also realized that as an emotional control freak, I have always dreamt of giving in to feelings and losing control over them. Well... now I can say that I´ve been there done that.
In a way I feel so grateful for feeling so much pain. It was excruciating and devastating, and I´ve NEVER been through anything like it. Never. But now I think I understand better. Now I know to feel compassion for those going through similar experiences. I know not judge them, but to feel empathy and love towards them. I am at awe.
And the best thing is that my once so closed heart feel opened up now. I realize that this process was necessary for my heart to become more open. I feel there is so much more love in me now. I can not explain this one yet, but maybe with some time I understand this better. As for now, I´ll be learning to live with this expanded heart of mine... I feel I have so much love to give that I need to find new ways to channel it. Challenge accepted!
I highly recommend tiramisu for everyone. ;)
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