Well, three things going on at the moment.
I was finally able to make the decision emotionally, that I logically already made 6 months ago. It took all this time to liberate myself from the burden that my optimistic side was holding on to and weighted myself down. The classic happened. I was finally able to let go, emotionally, and what a surprise it was to see how something better always comes to replace. No matter how well you "know" that you need to let go of things, actually letting go of them is another matter. You need to make those things with your whole being, and for months I was unable to do what I felt I had to do. How slow! How stupid! And the worst part is that I do now know how I could have done it any sooner. Anyway, finally I´m here.
By letting go, I freed myself to new clarity. Everything is lighter, I see a little better and my goodness there is so much energy. I decided to go on a retreat again this summer, and as a result I was overwhelmed by the massive energy flow that followed.
The arriving energy requires time and space. Since I´m still waiting for my holiday to start, and need to work form 9 to 5... the result has been massive headaches and feelings of sickness. The purification effect on my body is so strong that my head has been feverish and more than then times I´ve felt the need to throw up. How nice. Last night after work I crawled straight to my bed and gave the incoming flow some time and space. I also got help for the headache after asking for it. After two hours of feeling the overflow going through me, I was finally able to drink and eat again. My felt recharged. It´s a process on-going now, but I haven´t felt this lightness and out bursting energy in me since the September. I was giggly and man! did I find the thriving power inside again. I´ve been missing it. Feeling unable to take a stand for yourself has been such a dump for me.
Oh, and about managing humans. I have been investigating now for some years the way people are being managed in the working environment. And I have some major objections to it. This has to change. The leadership models and human "resource management" has to change big time. I think I might have something to do that during my life time. That would explain my past and current experiences. Experiencing what I detest has enabled me to recognize it. I am still lacking the means to go forward with this, but everything in its good time.
I wish I was able to follow my inner guidance better. The shadow in me is still there, and all the people around are being pushed down by the same shadow. That´s why we can´t have that many nice things.
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