I´ve been drifting up and down, between the highs and the lows and the numbness of the middle. These feeling come and go. I feel like my "educational" experience cycle is moving forward to provide me with the themes and lessons for each day. Currently I`m learning about social experience and finding my inner universe. And finally, after a long while, I´ve started feeling the purpose of my life associating with the enlightenment again. Such a relief.
"The social experience" is about me expanding myself to a wider perspective of people and human relationships. As a child I built walls around myself to protect me from the evil other people. Letting go of the fear of people took years, and the final breakthrough took place exactly one year ago. This spring I´ve been wondering several times "how the he** did I get in this mess" since suddenly I´ve found myself mingled in social relationship and -oh yes- drama. I´m learning quite a lot. I used to try and be "perfect" in my relationships with people, and now I´ve learned that the ups and downs are the standard of relationships and nothing remains truly the same. I feel there are connections in place that carry some higher purpose though I do not fully understand them yet. I am growing together with people I love and we trigger growth in each other. The timings in these relationships is a symphonic masterpiece for which I applaud the universe. My mind will never really grasp the complexity of the whole.
The universe and planets have been popping up everywhere during the past week. Random people come to talk to me about planets, and articles about them keep popping up. The universe is making itself quite present to me, and in me. As a result I have become aware of the space within me. Note the double meaning of the word. As above, so below. I don´t know what this means yet, but here it is. Present in this moment. Maybe awareness is all that is needed. I am actually happy that I´m becoming more aware of my body again.
I do not only carry your world. I carry your universe, our universe.
Enlightenment is looming around me, sometimes closer by and sometimes further away. I often feel like I´m wasting my time with my everyday life, but then again I feel there is a purpose for going through all this. I feel like I need to grow my appetite. But that is something one does not simply decide to do. So stuck here, halfway there, moving forward in time while I wait for the want (which I kinda shouldn´t have if I want there).
I feel so old sometimes.
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