The meaning of life

So much is happening. I have cut some real strings and now letting go of many. There is a fundamental change going on, man!

While I circuit around hating and loving life, giving in and up and down, I have been wondering about life and my purpose in life. Last summer retreat I remember feeling it so clear that I really HAVE TO wake up and experience enlightenment. During the fall that feeling disappeared. Now that I have started showering in the enlightenment transmission again, day and night, I have asked myself that familiar question again and again: what am I supposed to do with my life? How much the society and its rules really apply and matter to me?

I feel actually pretty stupid, for asking that question year after year. Not getting anywhere it seems.

I have now found myself wondering about different people and their purpose in life. I find myself relatively smart person, not very knowledgeable with facts because of my poor memory, but as someone who is able to see different perspectives and get a glimpse of a bigger picture. Some people are much smarter than me and some people are dumb as f**k. How likely is it that we all share the same purpose in life? With different skillsets I find it quite likely that we are here for different reasons. Of couse I´ve "known" this, but now I feel I really understood it.

Yet again I have reached the conclusion that my mind could never really comprehend life. For even when I wonder about the meaning of life, I once again find at least two opposing realities and perspective which both conflict each other but are still true. Even though mind is unable to see the whole picture, are we still supposed to observe life through it? If yes, to what extent?

For thousands of years mankind has been wondering the same thing. Trying to capture life in words and mindframes. Yet another paradox. No-mind, yes-mind, doesitreallymatter-mind, both-mind? My third eyes is buzzing and my body feels sore. What is happening?

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