Heading to the second low-point of my life

So... what can I say?

During the year 2014 I have already broken up with my three-year relationship, managed to trigger faux-pas in another, gained and lost a good friend, fell in love in an significant way and topping the spring with a summer of cancer speculation and now facing the likely end of my corporate career. I have absolutely no plan for my future, but to follow my intuition and hope that it´ll take me to my full potential.

At the same time I´m scared shitless, but then again I´m feeling relieved and freed.

I would say this is only in my head, if I haven´t had a confirmation for it from external sources: I have become very different from the majority of the people around me. And they sense it. I have the feeling that every cell in my body has been liberated and lightened to a certain extent. When I´m around other people I feel like I´m so much brighter and lighter. My body language has changed too.

For those wanting to wield power over me, I have become a threat. For those wanting to express themselves, I have become a window with good support. My eyes still feel very wide and open. There is so much more coming, but there is something on my throat still blocking it a little. There is some pressure building up easily on my head so I need to focus on letting that gently open whenever I can.

I have become aware of my words and the power/effect they convey. I have found that the current model of running companies and managing the human "resources" is utterly fucked up. All I can do is to wonder how in the world millions of people let themselves be treated as such! The whole structure of the society and business is currently build up in a way, that rewards psychopathic and narcissistic characters. And still, we are all codependent in so many ways.

It took me almost 29 years to see this so clearly. I feel a little sick. And I´m worried of the consequences of not being able to give myself in to the system anymore. Stepping outside the system, even mentally, means that life in the secure conveyor belt is over. There has to be something else I can rely on. I know I´m not the first to do this, but it is the first time for me.

The dice has been thrown.