Lost in the city jungle. That is how it feels at the moment. I don´t understand life nor do I have a grasp on anything. Bewildered and disoriented, failing to see the path I´m walking on. Did I get lost or is it simply that I cannot see it?
The more I try to makes sense of my recent experiences, the more confused I become. My past seems more irrelevant every day and any thoughts about future seems vain. All I seem to have is this moment and the feelings I carry around in me. And those feelings seem strong changing from heaviness to feeling pointless. Everything feels pointless, irrelevant and unnecessary.
As spooky as it sounds, during the past two days I´ve been thinking about death. Not as in suicide but as in "I wouldn´t mind it for I see no reason". I have become quite comfortable with the idea of my own death. Anytime, anywhere. I don´t mind. I´m not sure how to feel about not minding. I´m not really sure how I am supposed to feel about anything, really. :D
Walking around watching all the people going places with so many thoughts and sense of survival is weird. There is so much hassle, for what? Yes, I did wake up this morning. Yes, I did put some clothes on according to the expected standard. And yes, I put on my make up, went to work and started sending those emails to people that I don´t really know but with whom I cooperate with to give and get.
But so what?
Then what?
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