Indentity and recalibration

Well well well! The earth has shivered, I was shaken (last week literally with a concussion) and my heart has been pouring pain. Then the moment came. I was standing in the kitchen watching at the door of my fridge. "I"... I had to find out what I am not, by writing down what I thought I am.

Mind map. Map of the mind. How suitable!

From What I am not I went to What I am and What I is and finally crossing the whole thing over with a highlighter writing "I... is a story".

I? Me? Repeating my own name like parrot. Feeling how much I have been defining myself. And every definition is a lie in the sense that every definition is a wall. It´s a barrier. It´s a prison keeping something in while leaving everything else outside. I have kept on telling myself a story about who I am and who I should be.

Then I felt the distance. Distance from my own story. I was suddenly just a story. For a couple of days now I have been getting in and out of my story. Laughing at myself. Seeing and feeling myself react to situations and life, then playing with it. Playing with myself! :D

It´s not so serious anymore. I don´t fear death as I used to. It´s funny ´cause now I feel a more familiar approach to myself and my body. Like it used to be somehow weird before (and I knew it). As result I feel more connected with the world around me. The moments and realizations come and go, but that is not so serious.

Experience is the key. And I´m going to follow this through. Recalibration, baby!!!

Honk honk.