It´s been some weeks now since the last post. During this time I have faced many internal struggles, but I have been quite unable to find words to describe them. I sometimes amuse myself by drawing online tarot cards, just to provoke some thoughts in me. And this morning this is what I got:
A fool
This card represents the idealist and the dreamer in you, who has decided to jump into the unknown and make her great dream come true without fear. The crazy has burned all the bridges behind her and the ghosts of the past cannot touch her. Faith and trust in the future drives away fear. You are now stepping into a limitless world, a whole new reality, and most of all - a new life.
This resonates in me very strongly. I have been pondering about all the limitations our minds create around us. It is such a pity, that mind has such abilities to draw conclusions that create such boundaries around us. But it is not easy to switch the side. It is much easier to run away into to no-mind and pretend you succeeded in the revolution destroying the old leader, than it is to peacefully and in full co-operation change the leader. Turbulence comes within the package of trying, but success is rare.
It is a funny thing trying to live with things you (your mind) simply cannot understand. All the most important decisions in my life have been nothing but guided by a strong feeling of what is I need to do. And it takes courage to leave people and things behind you. I have understood now, that the ability to leave all the unnecessary is what defines a person. Not what they have or what they get. It is completely different experience to be parted from something than making an active choice to leave.
Rarely I have had such problems trying to follow where I am, but these past weeks have somehow slipped through my fingers. It is like when you try to keep some water or sand in your hand: when you pay attention to it and try to hold on to it, your fist clenches as a reflex and its all gone. Yes, the universe is a wondrous place - too bad we (our minds) can never fully understand it. At least that´s how it feels.
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