attention
During the weekend I was surrounded by lots of people. What made it different for me was that I felt I was getting lots of attention all the time from so many people. And the attention was positive! It was respectful and joyful. The interesting part of the story is that attention is something that I have been and still am a little cautious about. Since I am able to read people quite like an open book, I know that other people can do the same for me. The only way to protect myself and keep my secrets and thoughts my own (and not show my weaknesses), is to avoid attention or limit it to the minimum. Be invisible. This time, I was nothing but invisible.
It feels like I´ve been burning the whole weekend inside. I let myself be observed. And what I realized is that it opens up many doors to genuine interaction with people. Being open yourself will help other people become so too. And, oh boy, opening was really happening!
For the first time after the retreat I experienced great things happening to other people through me. All I had to do was to pay attention. (Some may recognize this as ET in work here!) When you pay attention and stay open, you are present in the moment. It welcomes life. And the joy you feel when something like that happens is truly overwhelming. You feel grateful for witnessing something so beautiful. You feel joy and you feel that you have found life itself. Paying attention makes life beautiful, and attention in the sense of staying open, is something I plan to share more.
But in order to connect and experience it the walls need to fall down. All the fears and all the things you think you need to do or be. Opposite to the tripping song below, I see now that in order to find the real thing you need to break everything that can be broken - including your heart and everything protecting it.
So today, my heart has been pounding like crazy and shows no signs of calming down. I´m ecstatic and excited. There is something going on, man.
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